Entertaining Fan Mail

Please note that this page contains language unsuitable for persons under the age of 18

Exhibit A:

What is your mental malfunction?
How do you live with yourself when you glorify the world’s first photographically documented genocide?
How do excuse your arrogance to publish it and profit from it?
I was born and live in Pretoria.I am Afrikaans and had great grandfathers who fought in the Anglo-Boer War against the Brittish..
Almost everyday I have to drive past the Irene Concentration Camp Cemetery for Women & Children of the Boer War.
I am not going to allow anyone especially a DODGY CUNT from the shitland islands to ruin and dishonor their memories with complete drivel masquerading as historical commentary’.
You have no right to offend and disrespect a past tragedy that affected so many lives in the Afrikaans community including my own.
You will stop writing and publishing absolutely offensive rubbish.A public apology is required.You will do the effort to translate that apology in Afrikaans.
You will stop from attending South African Military Assoc. meetings and showing bullshit slideshows.
Youre rubbish book is so full of anti-Afrikaner(Boer) prejudice and contempt that it is only equivalent to antisemitism to the point of being Holocaust-denial-ism.The MOSSAD agency watches those kind of ultra anti-Semites.
Which part of the Boers here first but were annihilated so the land and the Gold could be stolen from them by the Imperial British Army using disproportionate military force and coward tactics like targeting woman and children and straving them to death, do u not understand?Should Afrikaners be thankful that that the English didn’t mow down the Dutch children with Maxim guns but it escapes you that it was acceptable for Jameson to mow down unarmed black Zimbabweans?Spears against Maxim machine guns? 60 000 Boers against 500 000 British troops?Overwhelming callous force. Never did the English Christians here or In England say a word of what was being perpetrated against other Dutch Christians here while the entire Europe was telling  Queen Victoria she was going entirely too far. But it became a destructive race to the Rand Gold Reef deposit and Brittian unleashed it’s Victorian era version of the atom bomb on Northern South Africa to get to it. Just like the Japanese have to go on as if nothing happened, we Afrikaner had to go on as if nothing happened after the war.There was no reconciliation.To this day Afrikaans and English speaking white South Africans do not socialize.
The real pity is that you don’t even know or research or write about how many Scottish men volunteered to fight with the Boer-side such was their hatred for the English stemming from the Highland Clearances.
Why don’t you write about the Highland Clearances since it’s a topic you are actually qualified for.Maybe shitland island is not even Scottish.I don’t care.
I don’t care that you like the Queen.In South-Africa we don’t.Especially Afrikaans people like me.I don’t care that you are a anglophile.I’ve been to London twice and loved it.
I care that you’re perverse twisted narrative of my ancestors does not see the light of day.
I don’t know what you’re agenda is with this shit since you make money by drilling holes in the ground but I will haunt you and break you in half.Learn this Afrikaans word : Bliksem.It means to assault,slap,hit,smack,punch,knock with a fist.
As in, I am going to bliksem your perverse fascination with mass-murder megalomaniacs like Jameson and Kitchener and Rhodes right the fuck out of you!
FUCK OFF back to Scotland you miserable fucking CUNT!!!

Exhibit B:

“go fuck a little Shetland pony while I verify your VIsa & Work Permit for South-Africa…”

Exhibit C:

You have a severely fucked up idea of the Boer War and to make any attempt to justify in any way the war crimes committed by Victorian-era England is sickening.

I guess it takes a proper fuckhead to serve in Afghanistan too as if the UK/US has any bushiness being in the Middle-East other than expropriating oil through asymmetrical warfare the very same callous way England looted SA’s resources 115 years ago.

It takes an even bigger fuckhead to write malicious junk intentionally distorting the truth and facts about the horrific conduct of a so-called civilized nation of evil cunts.

Why don’t you write about the Queen being a Nazi?

Surely you can ‘debunk’ or manufacture some nonsense about the Royal family which would sell more copies than your Boer War rubbish.

I think you set off my tripwire and you are going to get the beating of your life when I find you.

You’ll wish the Taliban caught you and held you captive safe far away from me.

Exhibit D:

You’re just a little foreign cunt coward who can’t make it in Europe and who strangely developed a hard-on for Afrikaners. Why by God you chose to defile our painful past in this modern day, when we are occupied in fighting a super hostile black government which hurts english speaking South-Africans,Indians & coloreds and other minorities just as much is really beyond me. I am really upset with you. It tells me I’m going to have to put time & effort into cracking your thick stupid skull. I’ll take you to the cemetery of Braker Morant who was a slightly bigger cunt then you are, to do it… I’m going to take my time with you.

Exhibit E:

I want you out of my country.
You’re not going to make a home here in SA or stay any longer.
You’re not going to fuck around my backyard peddling reprehensible books anymore.
Get packing for somewhere else right now.
I am so angry at your stupid deranged bullshit that I want come and blow your brains out with a .50 cal tomorrow.
I am committed to getting you deported since you won’t ever be able to meaningfully interact with the 2 million Afrikaans people here if you question our very existence.

Exhibit F:

ek dink jy doen seker ‘n goeie Mike Meyers Fat Bastard impression by ‘n braai so fokof terug Skotland toe en los Suid-Afrika vir regte Suid-Afrikaners…

Exhibit G:

[This offers a surreal take on the  thousands of Boers who swept into Natal in October 1899]

3 Boere on horseback looking for water crossing a imaginary border-line in the middle of the night in the then contested Northern outskirts of Natal after the fact that the English treated the poor Zulu people very badly to claim the region, did not qualify as a “invasion”, you git.
It especially doesn’t morally indemnify England for the atrocities committed later.
You must have peeled potatoes in the force because you have great difficulty understanding the concept of cause and effect.
I really believe you had way too much of your own smuggled smack. Hope you’re not bringing smack into SA.It turned you into a proverbial rabid mange baboon who wandered into the village and now tries to bite everyone, so you’re going to have to be put down. What’s with the gay Victorian poetry?

Exhibit H:

[While this one gleefully mocks the ex-RM who was beaten to death in Durban]

The ex-royal marine Brett Williams can’t unfortunately tell you what happens to a foreign hard-cunt in SA because he died of his injuries…

Exhibit I:

I’ve not read the book, but a discussion I had with someone who has points me toward a question already: how much of your book isn”t “kak?”…  My source tells me that you make an apology for the camps, and dismiss the validity of the venom that the deaths brought forth in Afrikaaner thinking. Well, if that indeed is the case, do you dismiss the current Islamic response to the Iraqi gaols fiasco? Do you dismiss the Jewish response to the German camps, or do you dimiss the Holocaust as another “myth?”
I’m aware of several plans to take you, Cocks and 30 Degrees South to court persuant to compensation in several Afrikaaner “class” actions. These apparently shall be instituted internationally, and in the case of America, centre on multi millions of dollars. Recently the British government awarded compensation to the families of Mau Mau supporters in Kenya, and this is to be utilized in argument for precedent. Others exist, all Holocaust associated.
If you want, I’ll point you to official British Army evaluations conducted after the Boer War, that make “kak” of what you appear to call “kak” with regard to the quality of the Boer military system and the Boer fighting man. Oh God yes, invoke the Battle of Tobruk, and when you do so, ask how a South African garrison might have been expected to do what an entire British army couldn’t?

Exhibit K:

Why does Ash write such KAK.

Exhibit L:

What the far kiss wrong with you mate, putting that war (that once and for all put paid to the notion of British fairplay and magnanimity) under the spotlight? Why, yet again, rub salt in British wounds, haven’t they been embarrassed enough by that war?

I mean, half a million soldiers from all over the glorious Empire (and nogal Scotsmen among them, AND Welshmen, Irishmen, Picts – there must be some left? – Australians, New Zealanders, Canadians, Americans PLUS nog ‘loyal’ Afrikaner spies, informers, joiners, traitors and oorlopers) taking 3 years to subdue an amateur army of ‘lowly’ farmers. Can you credit that? Add to that the fact that the allies (has England ever fought a war without help?) had superior armament, better logistics and, compared to the Boers, abundant food then It Does Not Look Good At All. If I were English I’d rather discuss the British motor industry in pubs; less painful.

Moreover, in addition, furthermore and besides the above, the English, living up to their saying of ‘all (and that means ALL) is fair in love and war’ torched homesteads, massacred livestock and carted women, children and old men off to camps where about 27 000 of them died under the supervision of the groothartige English. Definitely NOT cricket but terrorism in its purest form.

You are certainly not doing your English masters a favour by highlighting what they call the second Boer War (incidentally, what happened in the first one?) for, the worse you make out the Boers to have been, the more inept the allies seem to have been.

What was your motive in writing this book 112 years after the event; your sense of fairness, or the fact that all previous books in this regard were written by people lacking your insight, or what? Nay, old chap, nothing that noble; it is simply just another Boerbashing excercise, a common practice since 1994 when the country started its headlong plunge into the mire. There must be SOME justification for your masters’ aandeel in the demise of this once wonderful country. You are mosterd na die maal ou swaer; just another crowd pleaser (the crowd comprising your masters and the brainwashed bleedin’ heart liberals) jumping on the bandwagon.

Two words for you boet, four cough

Exhibit M:

[I think this is my favourite of the lot – written by yet another person who happily admits to not having actually read the book]

I can’t find your’e little miserable bullshit book anywhere. Be a white man and send me a free copy
All I could get was a intro from Netbooks which goes:

“The second Boer War is the most important war in South African history; indeed, without it, South Africa would likely have not existed.
We would have existed happily thanks asshole as the ZAR.

But it’s also one of the least understood conflicts of the era.
Only You don’t understand because you’re a stupid foreigner!

Over a century of Leftist bleating and insidious, self-serving revisionism, first by Afrikaner nationalists and then by the apartheid regime, has left the layman with a completely skewed view of the war.
Leftist Bleating?Are Afrikaners in your fucked-up world view somehow inferior or feeble or like sheep or goats and not allowed to even tell the world our very own history according to how we see it fit?Which part is dishonest about our history?And how would you know or be in any fucking position to judge you ignorant foreign cunt?

Incredibly, most people will tell you that the British attacked the Boers to steal their gold, and that when the clueless, red-jacketed Tommies advanced under orders of bumptious, incompetent British generals they were mowed down in their thousands.
Most people outside South-Africa saw and remember Micheal Cane’s Zulu! movie which was a foreign film and completely inaccurate as well.So what?Is this what stirs you the most?British soldiers getting fucked up.It was stupid of them to fuck around in high visibility faggot fashion out in the open brown African grass you twat.

The Boere had great fun picking off each English dickhead for dickhead at leisure at 500 yards plus.That’s some good fun shooting.

Each one bleated a little when they got hit you turd, speaking of bleating.Sometimes for fun the Boere would get the captain and officers first and let the rest drag out over days as they ran in different directions and got lost and isolated in the bush or trying to hide in a thorn-tree branch with a big old red jacket on.The Boere could see the English at night-time(first FLIR usage in combat).

Others think of the conflict in terms of ‘Britain against South Africa’ and many believe that the Boers actually won the war; the marginally more enlightened explain away the Boer defeat by claiming it took millions of British troops to beat them, or that it was only the ‘genocide’ of the concentration camps which forced the plucky Boers to throw in the towel. It’s all bosh.
What is bosh?Speak English man!Do you get bosh from your pubes when you don’t wipe enough?

Who the fuck appointed you to check what other people think of the Boer War and why the fuck does a jerk-off Scotch from halfway around the world qualify in any shape or form?Which part of the war was nonsense?The beginning,middle or end of the war?If England was the benevolent super-power with a naval armada, why did it wage war on a tiny little land-locked isolated population halfway across the globe?

This book will take everything you thought you ‘knew’ about the war and turn it on its head.
I’ll turn you on your head!

From Kruger’s expansionist dream of an Afrikaans empire ‘from the Zambesi to the Cape’
That was the uber-cunt Cecil Rhodes’ idea you prat.

to the murder and devastation wrought on Natal by his invading commandos,
The Boere didn’t invade Natal you idiot the English did and they took it from the Zulus!

to the savage massacres of thousands of blacks committed by the ‘gallant’ bitter-einders,
Now the cunt in you comes out truly.The English forcefully enlisted whole armies of blacks to fight the Boere.They even issued the blacks with rifles to use against us.Thus involving the neutral blacks to become combatants in the war.The Boere treated blacks better then the English by far.The Boere fought themselves and didn’t use black ‘slave-soldiers’ like the English did.It’s a cheap shot at making Afrikaners look bad and racist. It was white people from England coming to kill white people here.How dare you, you fucking horrible cunt?

the reader will have his eyes opened to the brutal realities of the conflict, and be forced to reassess previously held notions of the rights and wrongs of the war.
Are you a fucking historian or academic with any credentials?Certainly not, but yet you presume to be.

Hard-hitting and uncomfortable reading for those who do not want their bubble of ignorance burst, Kruger, Kommandos & Kak exposes that side of the Boer War which the apartheid propaganda machine didn’t want you to know about.
literary masturbation packed with your unique brand of cuntisms!

You also probably argue that British Lonmin killed the black miners in Marikana because they deserved it, you daft psycho fuck!
I wonder if Scotland Yard knows about the Heroine you smuggled to Glasgow?
The South-African Board of Publications should get objections of hate-speech in your book real soon. I’ll have you whistle the “My Sarie Marais” through you’re asshole for my entertainment you presumptuous arrogant shithead.